Pieces of me

"I have earned a lot more and a lot less, but I don't believe that a specific number can determine happiness. It's relative. It's what your wages can afford to pay for. For me, as long as my wages can afford a home, buy nice food and allow us occasionally to go out, then I'm happy - and my salary just about covers it for me. I would probably have moved out of London if I didn't have my partner to buy a home with. I would never have been able to afford a place here on my own.
I pay £800 a month on mortgage and bills. We chose to buy a flat in Central London so that we could walk to most places and because there was no way we could afford a car here. I spend only about £50 a month on transport.

Most of what I have left over is spent on groceries. I can't afford to eat out a lot, but I'm lucky that I have a nice home to go to and enjoy being there.

But if I didn't work in the art industry -which provides a vibrant social scene and intellectual stimulation that I don't have to pay for then £25,000 would be a stretch.

If there was no social contact in my job, I doubt that I would be as satisfied as I am. Four or five years ago, when I was earning £40,000, I liked my job a lot less and needed to depend on distraction in other areas of life - which caused me to spend more. Also, I get to travel with my job as well as take two proper holidays with my partner each year, but nothing extravagant. But what also helps is that my social circle doesn't demand flash skiing trips when booking a break.

Earning more would help, but I would be naive to think that more money would bring happiness. I have always spent beyond my means whatever the job.
There's never anything left at the end of the month, and we hardly ever buy clothes, but we do manage to go to France on the ferry.
I have the perfect job: reasonable money and very little stress. Work is a very small part of my life." Full article Here!

Unhappy? That's rich . . .

So what makes people happy? Here is what a random sample of staff in The Times office say: "Watching Desperate Housewives with a bottle of wine and a large pizza"; "Going for a walk by the Thames on a sunny day with my three-year-old daughter"; "Sex"; "Finding a lovely pair of shoes to fit my unusually big feet"; " My football team winning in the 90th minute"; "Looking at my little house when it's all clean and tidy and counting my blessings”; "Tea, crumpets and a good book in front of the fire in winter"; "My faith”.
 You will notice that there isn't a single note of materialism in this list. True, journalists on national publications aren't badly paid, and many will fall comfortably into the £25,000-plus bracket. But when people are made to think about what makes them happy, it is seldom that their thoughts drift towards money. And yet still we envy those who have it.
 “We have a bizarre idea of what we need," says Montier. "People very often talk about needing the latest fashionable clothes or needing the newest, trendiest technological toy, often exacerbated by an insistence on social comparisons, keeping up with the Joneses. But happiness should be an absolute concept, not a relative one. "
...we should remember an old Swedish proverb: "If you buy what you don't need, you steal from yourself." Full article Here!

Happiness

"Happiness in books like this is a kind of exaltation, bordering on ecstasy, but real happiness is a more quotidian, more sustainable mix of things. I am happy because you rang me and I like talking to you; I’m in reasonable health, nobody is trying to kill me, I enjoy my work. Sure, my attitude helps, but that’s no secret."

Phillip Hodson (born 1946) is a British psychotherapist_Here!

Grey Gardens

Grey Gardens has been the subject of a documentary, a movie and a musical.
Grey Gardens - Criterion Collection (1976)
Grey Gardens (2009 film)
Based on the life stories of the eccentric aunt and first cousin of Jackie Onassis (both named Edith Bouvier Beale aka "Big and Little Edie"), who were raised as Park Avenue debutantes but withdrew from New York society, taking shelter at their Long Island summer home/estate Grey Gardens. In includes not only the filming of the documentary Grey Gardens by Albert and David Maysles, but also events in the the Beales' past including their arrival at the estate, the disintegration of Big Edie's marriage, Little Edie's failed attempts to have her own life, and events subsequent to the premiere of the documentary.
The movie ends with Little Edie singing Tea for Two at the Reno Sweeney cabaret in Greenwich Village, and the quote, "My mother gave me a truly priceless life."
Документальный фильм "Серые сады".
Мать и дочь, обе по имени Эдит Бил - два светских затворника . Обе женщины жили в Grey Gardens, который был ветхим особняком в богатом районе Ист-Хэмптон - Georgica Pond, Нью-Йорк.
Это прекрасный портрет двух благородных женщин, которые решили удалиться из общества.

"Счастье - это совпадение с самим собой"

"Чудовищно жить чужой мудростью, даже если она освящена опытом целого народа. Это - самый верный путь к несчастной жизни. Потому что человек, живущий чужим опытом или даже мудростью, старается совпасть не со своим внутренним "я", а совпасть с каким-то чужим коллективным "я". Счастье - это самоиндетификация, совпадение с самим собой.
- В какой сфере человек чаще всего совпадает с самим собой: в любви, профессиональной деятельности, созерцании?
- Он совпадает с собой, выполнив свое предназначение. Нет, не так: осознав свое предназначение. Каждый предназначен для чего-то очень конкретного и специфичного.
- И все - для разного?
- Абсолютно для разного. Нет одинаковых предназначений, как нет одинаковых отпечатков пальцев. В этом залог эволюционных изменений и в итоге - развития. Допустим, какая-то особь предназначена для того, чтобы погибнуть, так как она неконкурентоспособна с точки зрения эволюции. Но она все равно нужна, чтобы понять, что вот так - не надо. И даже если человек сознает, что его предназначение в том, чтобы умереть, это все равно счастье, а все остальное - самообман."

Полный адрес материала: Интервью с Борисом Кузьминским.

How to be an optimist.

by Laurence Shorter from Here!

1. Be kind to yourself.

2. Listen carefully to your inner "chatter". Do you catch yourself in a full negative mode, blaming yourself, blaming others, exaggerating situations or panicking.

3. Notice how this inner chatter makes you feel: would you let someone else talk to you like that? Would you talk that way to someone else.

4. Take responsibility for your feelings. This is the first principle of optimism. Your feelings, however they started, happen inside of you and only you can decide how to react to them.

5. Think about how you can help others, if you don't already.

6. If you find yourself compulsively checking the news bulletins, stop. NOW. Our addiction to bad news feeds off our boredom and negativity....and the news repays the favour by feeding us with fear and anxiety.

7. Take practical steps to take care of your basic needs: rest, routine, work, companionship, freedom and flexibility. And enough holiday.

8. Practise some variety of energy management to keep your emotions on an even keel: exercise, sport, yoga, therapy, dancing, or just jumping up and down on the stop.

9. Develop appreciation. Before you fall asleep every night, try thinking of three things that went well in your day. In psychological trials, this simple exercise has been proved to raise levels of subjective happiness for sustained periods.

10. Finally, have fun. It's a long road, and you've just begun.

Beta Male

by Robert Crampton from Here!
Lourdes, the Spanish manager of a restaurant up west and the hardest-working person I know, comes round on a rare day off with her intended, my cousin George. I ask Lourdes if she gets a lot of Russian customers. Yes, she says, and they are great. They know what they like and what they don’t like, and if they don’t like something they say so and then she can put it right.

I thought Lourdes’s experience at the sharp end a useful antidote to the nasty little surge of anti-Russian racism around at the moment, in London, and elsewhere in Europe where Moscow’s millions are spent. Bloody Russians, they flash their money around, they treat the staff badly, they don’t know how to behave, blah blah blah. Much the same stuff used to be said about all Americans, or all Germans, or all Arabs.

And the worst customers? “The English,” says Lourdes. “They eat and drink everything and then post vicious complaints on websites.” Another generalisation, for sure, but apart from the bit about the internet, it describes me entirely. I’d rather chew my toes off than send anything back to a kitchen. My policy is: sit there in a steaming stew of hatred and resentment, get whatever it is down your neck, pay up, go home to plan how to burn the place to the ground.

I used to go to an osteopath to get my back treated. A year ago, I missed one appointment without notifying her in advance. The next time I went, she said she’d have to charge me for the missed appointment, as per “company policy”. Stuff company policy, I thought, lying there seething, I’ve been coming here for years. But did I say that? No. I smiled tightly and paid for the two sessions, the one I’d just had and the one I’d missed, and as I walked out of the door resolved never to pass back through it. And I haven’t. Even though my back hurts like hell.

...a quirk of English people.

"To English people, Europe functions as a strange alternative universe.
English people tend to choose a European country to express the suppressed part of their personality.
So people who would like to be more arty and passionate become obsessed with Italy.
People who'd like to be more intellectual and sophisticated become obsessed with France.
The obsession with Spain has to do with feeling that at heart you're really a let-your-hair-down type of person.
And this is, of course, so antithetical to the character of Vivian.
She's absolutely the perfect person to be obsessed with Spain.
In my mind, her obsession is very true to life as a quirk of English people."
"Rachel Cusk's "In the Fold"

Visit Full Text
Для англичан, Европа выполняет функцию странной альтернативной вселенной. Англичане склонны выбирать европейские страны, чтобы выразить подавленую часть своей личности/выразить полнее свою индивидуальность. Таким образом, люди, претендующие на тонкий вкус и страсть становятся одержимыми Италией. Люди, склонные развивать свой интеллект, утонченные становятся одержимы Францией. Одержимость Испанией испытывают те, кто любит простую и естественную жизнь, просто быть самим собой. И все это, конечно, так прямо противоположно/противоречит характеру Вивиан. Она именно тот сорт людей, кто одержим Испанией. На мой взгляд, ее одержимость это свидетельство того как причудлив Английский народ.

About Britain today.

Writing in the Radio Times, Sir Michael named celebrities whom he deemed to be worthy role models. "Certain people gift you ambition. When I saw Tom Graveney I wanted to be a professional cricketer. When I first set eyes on Ingrid Bergman in Casablanca I wanted to marry her. And seeing Alan Whicker on television gave me the idea that a life in telly might be fun," he said, adding: "One out of three ain't bad."
Sir Michael Parkinson on Jade Goody:
"...a woman who came to represent all that’s paltry and wretched about Britain today."

"Чайка"

"...Люди редко распахивают и показывают свою душу такой, какова она есть на самом деле. В большинстве случаев они прячут свои переживания, и тогда внешняя личина обманывает, не помогает наблюдателю...” Так ведут себя и чеховские герои. “...Когда внутренний мир наблюдаемого вами человека вскрывается через его поступки, мысли, порывы, под влиянием предлагаемых жизнью обстоятельств, - следите внимательно за этими поступками и изучайте обстоятельства... спрашивайте себя: “Почему человек поступил так или иначе, что было у него в мыслях?” (...) Но бывает так, что внутренняя жизнь наблюдаемого человека не поддаётся нашему сознанию, а доступна лишь интуиции. В этом случае приходится проникать в глубокие тайники чужих душ и искать там материал для творчества с помощью, так сказать, щупальцев собственного чувства."

Полный адрес материала: Анализ пьесы Антона Павловича Чехова "Чайка".